Inheritances are about love, money and greed

Mark Goodfield has seen a lot interesting behaviour at the point where family dynamics and inheritances intersect over his 25 year accounting career that has often involved advice on wills and estate planning.

Some of it is loving and kind, some of it . . . well, not so much.

Goodfield started The Blunt Bean Counter blog five years ago and recently compiled its best posts into a book. Let’s Get Blunt About Your Financial Affairs andis available on Amazon.com; the posts are also available on his blog.

He found readers were most interested in the things they found hardest to talk about, including death and dying. “Will and inheritances are often taboo topics,” says Goodfield. “People don’t want to accept the fact that they’re going to die, and so they don’t want to deal with these issues.”

He suspects the broad interest is partly demographic — the Baby Boom is benefitting from the biggest wealth transfer in history. A BMO Financial Group study in 2014 found that more than half of adult Canadians have received an inheritance. Of those who have not received one, two-thirds believed they will.

The study found that the average amount received in Ontario was $113,500.

Here are the general trends that Goodfield has seen when it comes to death and family attitudes:

What parents think

I’m taking it with me: There’s nothing for the kids, and sometimes it all goes to the pet. “There is often a deep-rooted family issue and the chill in the room makes it very clear that advisors should steer clear,” he says.

It’s yours (when I’m gone): One or both parents feel their children need to make their own way in the world and leaving them money while mom and dad are still alive will hurt their children’s motivation to succeed on their own.

I’ve already spent it on you: The parents have been a cash machine for the kids. Every spare nickel has gone into private schools, dance lessons, sports, home down payments and financial support while the kids build careers. The parents often neglect their own needs.

You can have something now: The majority falls into this category. Parents distribute excess cash along the way. They enjoy seeing the money put to use.

Related: 10 things to know about estate planning

What kids think

The loving child: Their parents’ needs come first and the inheritance second. “Typically, these children are very close to their parents,” Goodfield says. “They have always helped their parents, because their parents are, well, their parents.”

The pragmatic loving child: They want their parents to enjoy life even if it means spending the inheritance. These kids might get something, but they don’t count on it.

The waiters: These kids are waiting for their parents to die so they can get the money. “They have a warped sense of entitlement,” Goodfield says, adding he’s known some adults who have lived beyond their means on the assumption they can pay it off when their parents die.

The hoverers: They pay little or no attention to their parents throughout their lives, but surface when their parents get old or sick. The moment the parent dies — and often before the funeral — they want to know when they can get at the estate.

Goodfield says the smartest approach is the simplest: Set up a time to talk about these issues. That will help manage expectations and address family dynamics.

“It’s all about communication,” he says. “You don’t have to talk about the numbers, but you should talk about the issues. When you die, your spouse and children are going to be in mourning, so make it simple for them by dealing with it in advance.”